Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Seeing God's will revealed for now
Well I got some rather disappointing news that was rather hard to take today. In fact the news was so disappointing that my doctor called me to give me the news. My progesterone levels are horribly low, near non-existent. Which mean, I more than likely didn't ovulate, which means I am more than likely not pregnant. This was the second and final round of clomid that I decided to take. This last round gave me dizziness, headaches and moderate depression for about 3-4 days. Dr. McCollum seemed stunned and amazed that the medicine didn't at least get my progesterone up. The next step would be infertility doctors, but I am ruling that out for now. It must not be in God's will for us to have children via biological right now. And as far as adoption, we are very open to it, but don't have the time, money or energy to go through such an exhausting trial as adoption is. It's too bad it takes so much to adopt a child. It is all very hard to swallow and I will admit that it is difficult to rejoice in the will of God right now. I write this in tears because my heart so longs to carry a child and hold a newborn again. I see this as an opportunity to enjoy what we have and get a lot of things sorted, organized, worked out and dealt with. It also a time to rejoice that we were given two great boys! We are so thankful that we let go and let God immediately after we got married for if not, we may not have had these children. God is so good. Please pray for me, that my heart would be softened and I would turn to God and rejoice right now.