Still Hope

Since yesterdays news from my dr., it got me thinking of a lot of questions. What if my progesterone is low, but I am still pregnant? What if my progesterone levels were tested too early? And so many more. So I got to googling. Coem to find out there are many women who have gotten the near same results and wound up pregnant, much to the astonishment of their dr.s. So we still have hope that maybe, just maybe we might have conceived and the dates are just a little off. I guess we will see. I have already had early pregnancy signs, but not sure if it;s all just mental. I will be keeping a relaxed eye on everything and try to be patient and see what next week brings. I will be able to test then. It's all in God and only he knows truly what my body is doing or not doing for that matter :)

Seeing God's will revealed for now

Well I got some rather disappointing news that was rather hard to take today. In fact the news was so disappointing that my doctor called me to give me the news. My progesterone levels are horribly low, near non-existent. Which mean, I more than likely didn't ovulate, which means I am more than likely not pregnant. This was the second and final round of clomid that I decided to take. This last round gave me dizziness, headaches and moderate depression for about 3-4 days. Dr. McCollum seemed stunned and amazed that the medicine didn't at least get my progesterone up. The next step would be infertility doctors, but I am ruling that out for now. It must not be in God's will for us to have children via biological right now. And as far as adoption, we are very open to it, but don't have the time, money or energy to go through such an exhausting trial as adoption is. It's too bad it takes so much to adopt a child. It is all very hard to swallow and I will admit that it is difficult to rejoice in the will of God right now. I write this in tears because my heart so longs to carry a child and hold a newborn again. I see this as an opportunity to enjoy what we have and get a lot of things sorted, organized, worked out and dealt with. It also a time to rejoice that we were given two great boys! We are so thankful that we let go and let God immediately after we got married for if not, we may not have had these children. God is so good. Please pray for me, that my heart would be softened and I would turn to God and rejoice right now.

Oh the woes of a housewife/mom...

I am finding out this year more than ever how hard it is to clean, decorate & organize with two young ones running about messing up my work. Whew. I love to have pretty candy out in candy dishes, but can't leave it unattended for fear I will find my boys with candy rings around their mouth and an empty dish beside them. I'm disappointed how hard it is to find spiced gum drops in holiday colors and whopper snowballs. These were always the candies of choice when I was growing up. I am happily surprised that there has been no peeking of the gifts or early unwrapping! I'm still behind getting my outside decorations up. I will eventually. Christmas Eve counts right!

The last several years my mom has had a shadow box coffee table that she puts a snow village in in the winter (sometimes the village stays up well into summer :) I'm going somewhere with this. My dad found an identical table at their neighbors garage sale several years back and put it aside. I finally have room for it, so I'm the fortunate owner of such a lovely table. I then found a set of snow village houses at goodwill for a cheap price. I now get to pass on the tradition of the snow village. To me it's basically an adult version of a doll house. I loved playing with dollhouses when I was little.

We also did out Christmas tree shopping last weekend which went something like this: 1st stop, Home Depot, who only carried Frazier Furs. Next stop a well needed dinner after missing lunch. Now that we were all happy again we went on to search for our tree. A couple of lots also only had Fraziers :( . Alas, Lowe's across town had some Douglas Furs. By now it was 8 pm and the boys fell asleep. So...I ran in and practically got the first one I saw (in the dark) that was tall enough and snatched it up. Once home I realized the bottom is rather bare and it's not as fresh as I would have liked. But, oh well, it adds character and I'm not going to be like my mom who actually bought a tree, got it home, put it in the stand and decided it wasn't quite right. She loaded that thing back onto the car and RETURNED it to the store! I try as much as possible to not be a perfectionist, but it's hard when I married a perfectionist.

In other news: I've been feeling particularly yucky this week. I sure hope this clomid stuff works cause this is the last time I'm using it. He upped it and boy did I notice. I had about 2-3 days of depression like no other while I was taking it. Thankfully that was went away once I took the five days worth. I'll test again next week to see if it helped me to do the "O" word, but I won't find out if I'm preggers or not till hopefully the 23rd. I'm seriously thinking of surprising Ryan Christmas morning if I find out it is positive! Thankfully he doesn't follow my blog religiously so I think I can slip this one by him :) On the other hand, I'm finally keeping up with everything on the calendar so he is more in tuned to where I'm at, which means he'll probably be asking questions. Well enough rambling got to get some stuff done.

What do ya think?...

Does this color look good on me or does it wash me out? You like! I thought it is a little more in season.

A Wonderful Anniversary!

Five years ago tomorrow, which again falls on the SEC Championship, I married the love of my life. It has taken me five years to be able to admittably say that. We had a lot of struggles those first 5 years but it finally seems that we know enough about each other to get along. In all actuality we learned more about ourselves and our own sin than the other persons. In our first two months of marriage Ryan got laid off, I found out we were expecting, I got in a accident which totaled our good car, we were left with a car with no AC and 300,000 miles on it, and I got fir..I mean laid off :) . Whew! It was a rough ride and yet I am so thankful that the Lord put us through such trials. We never got that honeymoon period where everything was lollipops and roses. Nope we had all our cards laid out on the table from the beginning and boy did we have some ugly hands of cards. Our marriage has been tested in ways I never knew of before. With all that said, I am so excited that we have made it these five years. I look forward to the next five and whatever it brings (hopefully more little ones :) Happy 5th Anniversary Honey!


I don't often like pictures of myself, but this one is wonderful of Ryan and I :)


Proof--Our Invite


Okay, to explain the weird hand thing, I went to go hold Ryan's hand and he missed my hand and barely held the tippy top of my fingers and the picture was shot :|


This is from our honeymoon to the arctic zone in Destin, FL. Seriously we should have brought some Fur Parkas and the sand mights as well been snow.


This is the summer after we got engaged and Ryan said "hey, you wanna got to the beach tomorrow", and I said "WHAT!?", and he said "ya, my aunt and uncle live in NC and the coast is only a couple of hours from there, we'll go for the day and come back the next day". That was the longest trip for an hour of fun on the beach.

My Beloved Grinch

This is so funny I had to share. I constantly tease Ryan about being a grinch at christmas time. He doesn't go for all the tree, lights, presents, and holly jolly like I do. It took two years to talk him into getting a tree. His heart is growing towards it though :) . This is where the funny comes in. I had gone to the store one morning and tuned into some holiday tunes on the radio since Ryan was not with me. When Ryan started the van to go to work the Grinch song came right on on cue. And no I didn't call the radio station and synchronize it, though I do go to great lengths at times to tease him.

Official Tag

Coincidentally, the same day I posted my unofficial tag post I was tagged on Gina's blog. So to be fair I will do this tag too. Here goes:

Four Jobs That I've Had:

Babysitter for next door neighbor and a couple of others
Kroger (worked in almost every dept.)
Walgreens Cosmetic and Photo Dept.
Knoxville Pediatrics as a Nurses Assistant

Four Movies I Can Watch Anytime:

We don't celebrate santa, but growing up my family did and I still enjoy Santa Claus the Movie :)
The Love Comes Softly Movie Series
Willy Wonka (old school)
Anything with Julie Roberts or Tom Hanks

Four Places I've Lived:

Iowa City, IA
Jackson,TN
Knoxville, TN
Loudon, TN

Four TV Shows I Love:

Little House on the Praire
Office (probably not the best, but I've had similar coworkers)
Dancing with the Stars
The Biggest Loser (I so want to be on there)

Four Places I've Vacationed:

Panama City Beach, FL
Destin, FL
Litchfield Beach, SC
DC

Four Novels I Have Enjoyed ReReading:

Novels must be fancy for books...?

The Bible
Shepherding a Childs Heart
No Even a Hint
I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Four Websites I Visit Often:

EBAY, EBAY, EBAY
PayPal (to get my earnings from EBAY)
Craigslist (to spend the money I earn on EBAY)
Target (for their coupons)

Four Places I'd Like To Be Right Now:

Hawaii
Disney World
Australia
I'll settle for my bed
(one of my places should really be heaven, though I know I don't long for it enough)

My First Ever Tag--Without Officially Being Tagged

I've always seen on my fellow bloggers blogs these things called tags. You answer these random questions that are usually on varying topics. I've never had anyone tag me I guess (I'm not sure how they do it). I've never ventured into doing these "tags". A fellow blogger-friend did a tag about her husband and I thought it would be a great opportunity to venture into the world of tagging. So here goes:

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? CSPAN, news, sports (mainly football) or crimetime type shows.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Usually ranch but sometimes honey mustard or italian. He doesn't like a whole lot, whereas I load it on.

3. What's one food he doesn't like? Pepper Jellyn & Gulash are pretty much the only things I have found that the leftovers don't get eaten. He'll eat anything, though you wouldn't know it by his 160# frame.

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? We don't drink too often, but I would say he would get a coors lite.

5. Where did he go to high school? Farragut High School, Knoxville, TN.

6. What size shoe does he wear? oh, please don't go there. He buys shoes either too small or too big, wears them a few times and then I sell them on EBAY. I would guess an 11.

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? He doesn't collect ANYTHING. He throws everything away. Though, he does have like three rolls worth of pictures of commercial airplanes from his times as a ramp/ticket counter agent that he won't part with, which I scrapbooked for him.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Ham & Swiss Loaded with Veggies

9. What would he eat every day if he could? My Loaded Potato Soup

10. What is his favorite cereal? Raisin Bran Crunch, Raisin Bran Crunch, get the man some Raisin Bran Crunch!

11. What would he never wear? I'm with Marsha, Pink or anything close even many pastels.

12. What is his favorite sports team? I converted him to Tennesee from Georgia, though he is also starting to add on the Iowa Hawkeyes which are also my team.

13. Who did he vote for? Ron Paul! Yep, you better believe it. We wrote in ol' Ron Paul.

14. Who is his best friend? His brother!!! Though he really doesn't spend as much time as he would like with him since they are in GA. We do everything together and Ryan is happiest with that.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Call him a grouch or pour cold water on him in the shower, which after awhile you can pull warm water on him and it gets the same reaction psychologically. He also hates cuddling or putting my cold feet on him.

16. How many states has he lived in? Three: NY,GA,TN,GA,TN

17. What is his heritage? ????? All his family is from NY. His mom would say they are Irish and his Dad would say english, german. We don't really know.

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what would it be? Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Velvet Frosting

19. Did he play sports in high school? No, though he did play for years for AYSO, but not during High School.

20. What could he spend hours doing? Watching airplanes land or take off and riding in them.

21. What's something cool about him? hmmmmmmm...cool?...hmmmmmm, well what I find to be "cool" about my husband is he sacrifices a lot to provide for his family. He is currently working full-time in a factory. He left his former job as a ground crew/ticket agent for United to make more money for our growing family. And every time we go by the local airport, he slows to a crawl on the busy highway just so he can see the planes take-off and land :). He also would never hold back having more children if I am desiring more. He has deep convictions and is stronger at turning to God and having family prayer times. Honestly, I have had MANY times that I have grudgingly had prayer times with the family, instead of being delighted in them as he is.

So for some victims:
First Fruits Farm NE
The Clan McLeod
Jeneric Jeneralities
Smoky Mountain Christian Living

Fixing a Bland Blog

I have always felt like our blog is well...a little bland. Well if you are in the same spot as me I have a solution :) The Clan McLeod is hosting a give away for a free custom blog design by Judi at Doodlebug Designs. Come on over here to her blog to see all her fabulous designs and choose your fav. Then go on over here and follow the rules. I sure hope I win, or else you will have to continue to view my boring ol' blog.

Our Lil' Singing Preacher Man

Joseph has ALWAYS sat through church. He never liked nursery at church and was so good and quiet that we enjoyed having him in church with us. We've had many people tell us that children won't get anything out of the service because they won't understand it. I tend to disagree and think the preaching has rubbed off a little too much onto Joseph. Periodically we will catch Joseph "preaching" or "singing" to either us, Thomas or a line of stuffed animals. It's always hard to get a picture or video in the moment, because as soon as he hears the camera turn on he gets shy. I managed to discreetly get him on film. He thinks it all up on his own. The plant stand he fashioned into a pulpit and he collected all the bibles, hymnals & christian books he could find. This is one of the more subdued moments as he usually gets pretty fired up or gets going on the guitar. Also notice his feet in the video as he is wearing my heels I had left at the door :) Oh boy, being a mom is sure entertaining!

My BFF Is Expecting Baby #1

I'm so excited. For those of my readers (probably not that many of you) that don't know, I grew up half of my life in Jackson,TN, a sprawling little town in West TN. In middle school I met a wonderful young lady who quickly became my best friend. I admired her love for the Lord and learned a lot from her friendship. She's an only child and her grandparent's lived in my neighborhood, so she rode the bus home with me to my neighborhood everyday. I even got to go with her to a youth event at her church. At the end of my 7th grade year my family abruptly moved to Knoxville,TN. We kept in touch (she, better than I) as I would receive letters and even little presents from time to time. Slowly we lost touch. It had been since our freshman year since I had heard from her when her picture popped up in a search for her on Facebook. We reunited via the internet and it seems like we never lost touch. Crazy as it is, she married the same year as Ryan and I did. Sadly her father, whom she was very close to, past away just weeks before her wedding. All that said, she is probably one of my dearest friends and I just found out SHE'S EXPECTING!!!!! Yep, she and her hubby Gabe are expecting their first child, how wonderful. I am just so thrilled for them. As a mom of two I think back on when Ryan and I had Joseph and how new and wonderful it all was, just to be repeated with the joyous bith of Thomas. Congrats Alex and Gabe!!!



This is our 7th grade year pictures. Like my tapestry vest and big bangs, thanks mom!



This is one of our school dances. All the girls I hung around with. Weren't we fashionable. I think I wore my brothers shirt, weird!



In our Social Studies class working on our China Palace Contest Project (which we won!)

Remembering and Celebrating Christian

I met a fellow blogger several months back. I found out about the Drews through one of the most difficult of circumstances. Late summer this family was stricken with the lose of their 3 year old son, Christian as he went to be with the Lord. In seeing videos and pictures he reminds me of both of my boys. He has the personality of Thomas and resembles Joseph. Christian's 4th Birthday is today and he has something, no one else on this earth gets on their birthday; he is celebrating his 4th birthday with Jesus. My what a birthday that must be. We all should be longing for heaven, in all its greatness. It's overwhelming to think of leaving this earth to be with Christ. I am filled with a mixture of emotions. On one side I don't want to leave those I love here on this earth and on the other hand I long to be in a sin-free, struggle-free place as heaven. It's also the fear of the unknowns. But with it all said, I know when that day comes I will have no grief, sadness, hurt, or sorrow because I will be complete in Christ. I will be in full knowledge and that brings me unending comfort. In celebration of Chirstian I vow today to hold my boys longer, enjoy the hard stuff, cherish the little things and hug them more. I long to be patient, long-suffering, gracious, merciful...I long to be Christ-like. Happy 4th Birthday Christian, a.k.a "Dozer". Please pray for the Drews that the Lord would see them through this day of tears, joy, love & laughter as they remember their littlest man :)

Sickness, School & CLOMID?!

Well I was turning around for the better until I finished my antibiotics and it is all coming right back. That's the last time I use Omnicef, it always seems to do this for me. I dread what is probably the inevitable, another sinus surgery :( .

Ryan's hashing out school as he nears the end of his third quarter. I don't know if I should be excited or scared as the classes seem to get harder and harder. And so far it's looking like he'll have all Saturday classes next quarter, from 9-5pm with a 30 min. break, yikes :O

Ryan and I have been trying for a third child and anytime I see my mom and comment that I'm tired, or not feeling well, her eyes bug out of her head. She'd love it if we'd wait awhile, like maybe when Joseph's in high school ;), but we're really desiring a teeny tiny little one to add to our family. I miss having a baby around the home. How you can tell the older children, "shhhh, the baby's sleeping" and they actually quiet down! Of course it is all God's will and that is what we long for, baby or no baby, just fulfilling God's will. I've been reluctant to mention what I am about to mention, because it is a rather opinionated topic and being that I am rather emotional about the topic, I've put it off. We have many family members who do not support our having children and even more who would not be thrilled to find out that we are diligently trying (if that's the right word). We are slowly coming to realize that it is our decision to make as a married couple. No one elses. Ultimately God knows and wills it. So that is why I have decided to post about all this. I've struggled ever since having Thomas with a lot of irregularity with my cycles and hormones. I've been off and on several medicines to fix the problem, but found out just recently that I have virtually no progesterone and not even ovulating ( and suspect that I haven't been for some time, hence the irregularity. SOOOOOO, my wonderful OBGYN of 11 years put me on progesterone and CLOMID!!!!! First of all, I am on the lowest dose possible and second of all the chance of multiples is 8% (for me probably more like 50% since there are 4 sets of twins in my family :). So imagine how excited my mom is with all that news! She took it better than my sister though, who was near panic and insisted on telling me over and over of the risk of multiples. Now, because my mom works at the pharmacy I go to, she gives me the bug eyes every visit (as to ask, "are you pregnant?!"). The verdict is still out as to whether or not the clomid has worked, but I do go this week to test my progesterone levels and see if they are back where they need to be.

Mom's Sick But We Got Some Cool New Old Bunk Beds!

What a week! I got hit with the yuck bug otherwise known as a sinus infection. I always seem to struggle with allergies here in East TN, and have been with the season change for the last couple of months. (when I was 18 I had sinus surgery which helped for a couple of years) It all hit me Tues. and just worsened throughout the day to cap of the day with a migraine that induced, well you get the picture. Anyways, Ryan was in for it when he came home from work around midnight to a messy house and a woozy wife. Thankfully I got some antibiotics the next morning and the Lord is slowly healing me as everything is seeming to move south :P

Before all this happened we were in deep search for semi-nice used bunk beds for the boys as their crib/toddler beds were recalled. So I've been an ebayer awhile and thought maybe good ol' ebay would come to my rescue, but there were NONE in our area. Ryan kept trying to find one around Atlanta so we could find a really good excuse to visit family and Chalcedon, but nope, no good deals. Finally I decided to reluctantly turn to craigslist. After several days I was disappointed how much people were holding onto their stuff, and then wham. After looking every hour to see if new beds were added, one popped up. A nice family out in Kingston, TN practically gave them away (with mattresses)to us real cheap. And they are so nice! Boy are we blessed! The funny part is, the man told us later that when I got off the phone with him he thought that I responed quickly and was puzzled why it went within seconds of him posting it. Then as he waited for us to pick them up he got four more calls--I bet those people are disappointed! :( We ALL stayed up past midnight getting these beds put together. I also found these nice quilts on craigslist. The lady sold me 5 identical twin quilts for $45, another steal! I'm going to take one of the quilts and make shams, valance and possibly a couple of toy bags for the end of their beds.

It's a bitter sweet to not have any cribs in our house after ,more than fours years of having at least one up (but two cribs for over 2 years)! I would love to have a crib filled with a little baby, but it's just not been God's will for our family. I am so glad to see the boys growing from toddlers to kids, but also so sad to see them starting to leave toddlerhood :(

Ron Paul Same Today as 1988

Another cool giveaway!

A fellow blogger friend, whom I've grown very fond of due to all her fabulous giveaways, is having another great giveaway. She is giving away a product called, Soda-Club. You make and mix your own sodas, isn't that cool! Go on over here to her site and check it all out!

Our Views on the Economic Crisis

I am sure we are not the only couple who frequently discuss these economic hardships. It is a near daily accurrance because it affects everything we do. Every two weeks we get Ryan's paycheck and are reminded of the problems our leaders have got us in. When we mail postage at the post office we are amazed. When we get that dreaded utility bill in the winter, we are frustrated. When we buy ANYTHING, we are down right angry! It might seem small that Ryan's work has asked them to take off 8 unpaid days to benefit the company, but that is compounded with the fact that there is NO overtime available. The plant has nearly cut out a whole shift, which nearly affected Ryan. I am sick of everyone blaming it on the mortgage loans. Sure there were way to many loans given to people that could not afford them. But, we neglect to realize that anyone who got a lone 3-4 years ago or more was to expecting the outrageous gas prices. Ryan and I are now regreting buying a house with gas heat. Thankfully everything else is electric. These gas prices have doubled. Therefore our grocery bills, utility bills, and all other spending took a major hit. I know Ryan is making more than he did 3 years ago and we are still straped due to the prices. What frustrates us so much is that the prices are quickly dwindling down as our country has finally hit a breaking point. We can't help but think these oil executives have a hand in all this. I am sure there are plenty of families who would still be living in the comfort of their own homes had these gas prices not sky rocketed. With all that said, we know that the Lord will provide for all our needs and really we don't deserve such lavish lives. I will say it has made us more witty when it comes to trying to make do. But I hate to think that we are just wasting our money so the suit wearing executives can have their summer homes and indoor basketball courts.

A Pilgrim's Progress Giveaway!!!

Click on this button above to learn more about how to enter in this GREAT giveaway. I'm entering myself as I have heard great things about the book and am eager to see what all the fuss is about!

Birthday--BOY?!!!!

Our little toddler is growing up and is officially a little boy and not a toddler. I can't believe he is four now. Joseph turned four on Sunday. We celebrated his birthday with our little family on Saturday with the usual food, cake, ice cream & a couple of presents. The Mooses and Pop & Mimi sent him balloons and boy was he excited when a man brought them to the door just for him! Papu will be proud that he chose football themed sprinkles on his cake. He was so excited to get a red apron, matching chefs hat & rolling pin all of his own (and thanks to a fellow blogger it was FREE!). There is always a fight over Mommy's one extra apron and it usual ends in Thomas wearing a dishtowel. We still have a few more presents to open at his big party, but I find it very interesting that he was so content with the few presents he already received. He knows that there are more presents wrapped, but doesn't really care to much about them. We will do his big party with family and friends on the 18th at a nearby park. Where has the time gone? To make it harder he is humongous for his age, Dr. Green is amazed too! Bless his heart his body is growing faster than his brain can catch up and he seems so awkward when he runs. The little 7lb.9oz., 19 1/4 in. baby went from 50% to 100+% very quickly and continues to stay there. He is now past my waist in height and isn't slowing down, as some said he would. I am also encouraged that Dr. Green doesn't put a lot of weight on his learning level, as he is behind in some areas due to regressing with a younger brother and Joseph always seems behind around other people due to his shyness. We spent his birthDAY at some friends, The Wilkersons, for some fellowship and fun. Oh how the boys love playing over there with the freedoms and dirt and all those kids! It's sad to say I am not used to my kids having all those freedoms to run off in the woods and just be boys, but it just can't be done here in this little city. But enough of my rambling, my first born little toe-headed boy is growing up before our eyes! It has been a great four years and I couldn't imagine life without him!

Kids Really Do Say The Darndest Things--So We're Learning!

The other day Ryan took off work to catch up on school work and take us out to brunch at Cracker Barrel--One of our fav's. As we waddled out with full bellies we noticed a couple parked beside our van getting off their motorcycle. Joseph was gazing at the big shiney Harley, as any boy would and I commented to him that it was like his Uncle John's motorcycle. Without hesitation he commented back, "yeah, and I have a tricycle!" I followed with, "yep Joseph, you do have a tricycle don't you." The couple of course got a great tickle out of it and the husband agreed with me that children are so simple minded ;)